What associations does the word “fulfillment” conjure? To an exhausted self-publisher, it might be less about personal satisfaction than endless hours stuffing envelopes for a few extra dollars.
Dealing with the issues of the Mormon Church and leaving it can be very traumatic experiences, with life-long impacts. It's not the case for everyone, but it certainly was for my wife and I. We still process aspects of it, particularly when it intrudes into our lives, primarily through family interactions. Your experience as the accidental terrorist could certainly be a significant, traumatic experience.